What is Love?

So I decided that on the first day of my experiment or project or whatever it is that we can call it, I begin by trying to understand what is “Love’. When I typed the word into Google, I received three definitions:

1. a strong feeling of affection.
2. a great interest and pleasure in something.
3. feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

So that lead me to wonder, what possibly gives me that feeling? What, or who makes me feel all these things? There were only two answers I could come up with: Chocolate, and my best friend. And for those of you who may have misjudged the sentence above, I feel deep affection and maybe a deep love for chocolate (no sexual desire though, because that is just nasty business) and my best friend is where I feel a strong feeling of affection and a great interest (even though she does get pretty annoying at times). So the answer was in front of me! A desert date with my best friend is all I need, to fully understand what love is! I mentally kicked myself repeatedly for not having thought of that before! I mean, love is so simple, but I still didn’t see it!

So, I grab my best friend, and we check out this new cafe in town. It’s been quite a while since I’ve met her, and obviously, we had loads to talk about. Halfway between the date, I felt my heart shimmy a little? (My heart is an Ex member of ABBA, let it live please) And I kept thinking that I missed this girl so much! Like I just miss hanging out with her, and doing other crazy things! And that’s how things kept going until it was time to finally say goodbye. We hugged, and she promised to meet me soon, and I had this warm feeling inside me that kind of felt like someone was using my heart as an oven to bake brownies.

So a conclusion that I drew from this is a warm fuzzy feeling? But then? Could it also be that the feeling came because I met her after a really long time? Or maybe because I just had a heart attack and didn’t realize it and thought that it was love?! So I came back home and hugged my mom, and kinda got the same fuzzy feeling. So maybe love is a fuzzy feeling!

Now the question is? How do you get this fuzzy feeling when you see yourself? How do you separate from yourself long enough to want to miss yourself? Or were you ever one with yourself to begin with? In conclusion for today, I got a low key on what love is. Not the romance kind, but the friends and family kind. Now the only thing I have to do is feel the same about myself. But the question is how?!

Let’s keep looking.

Today, I went to lunch, and then forced myself to go to the gym so that I don’t turn into a life size dumpling by the end of my research or social experiment or whatever. I’ll try going to the gym twice tomorrow, and maybe reading or experiencing a little more. You never know where life will take you!

What does it mean to Love Yourself?

Love Yourself: That is one thing that I constantly hear people say to me on repeat. People tell me that the solutions to most of my problems will come to me if I start loving myself truly. But what is it to truly love yourself?

Does it mean that you should accept your flaws and embrace who you are? If yes, then how are you ever gonna work towards becoming better? If you don’t question who you are, then how are you ever going to strive to become better, and to ever achieve a true goal? So is that what loving yourself is? Being satisfied with mediocrity, and never actually surging towards your dreams?

Or does loving yourself mean that you should work towards a goal, while accepting that you have flaws and working towards them? But how is it loving yourself if you’re pointing out your own flaws? How are you in love with yourself if you’re claiming that something is wrong with yourself? How is it true, if you know that it’s wrong? So is that what loving yourself is? Loving the parts of yourself which are beautiful, and also accepting your flaws?

I think about this quite often. I think about what does it truly mean to love yourself, and when do you ever achieve that stage. I am massively overweight, and people tell me to love myself for who I am. Does that mean that I shouldn’t try to loose weight? Does that mean I should be satisfied with the fact that I look like a large ball? Or that maybe I am going to remain fat forever? So, what’s the difference? What does it truly mean?

I’m starting a journey today. A journey for the next 30 days where I find a way to slowly love myself. It can be through ways I’ve learnt from the internet, advice from people around me, or maybe just from my own experiences. I will strive to become a better person, someone who can love the people around her, and most importantly, love herself.

That is me on a day when I am particularly confident about myself. But I am going to strive to change that, and become a person who is confident in herself everyday, and someone who is healthy, who looks the way she wants. That’s the kind of person I want to be become, because I know that’s the person I can bring myself to love. Not this.